Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wanna go halves on a baby?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
