I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
