Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
