he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
