He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
