I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
