just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
