Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
