So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize