Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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