...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
