Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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