dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
