those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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