you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize