I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
