i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
