i will never coherently bang her
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize