Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
