Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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