I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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