They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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