Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
