how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
