Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
