I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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