I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
