drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
