I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this boner is exhausting
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
