I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
