You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
