sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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