So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
