Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
