Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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