so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
