So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
