can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
