...so i touched it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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