I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
