just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
