Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize