I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
