i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
