I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
