Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
