not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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