i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
