did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's blow job season.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
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You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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