Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
