Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
