so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
