Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
