I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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