i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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