im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
