somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
