Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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