i was born a porn star she said
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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