Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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