Ambien. No doubt about it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
