i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
