This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
