There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
