he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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