true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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