I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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