sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
