I want you more than these girls want KFC
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
