wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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