I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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