He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
