if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How external is "for external use only"?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
