I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize