i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
