The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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