At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
