So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
