just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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