I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
