hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
