I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize