well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
