i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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