i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
