ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
