She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
