wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
