You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
