i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
