I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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