found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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