It's Friday. Sex?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
