Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
