wanna go halves on a baby?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
