So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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