Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
