This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Randomize
