That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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