I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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