I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
