Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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