The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
