We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
