How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
