Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
