so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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