I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
